I Had Completely Forgotten That I Had Written This
I just found this “Comprehensive Guide to British Cookery” that I apparently wrote when I was 19 years old and living in Britain:
If it’s a land-dweller, roast. If it’s a water-dweller, batter and fry. If it grows in the ground, boil to death. Do not, on pain of death, season. Potatoes with everything.
If it’s palatable, slop on a shitload of custard until unpalatable. If it remains stubbornly palatable, bung it in a large bowl in layers and call it a trifle. If in Scotland, batter and fry Mars bar.
I don’t really take it back.